Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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