Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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