I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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