ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
