come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
