Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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