The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
