My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There r osticjed everywhere
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
