If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
