If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
