all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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