Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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