drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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