I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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