Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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