6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
