I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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