Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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