i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
