I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
