dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
