Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
