I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
