The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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