I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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