I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no you cant smoke seaweed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
