Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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