i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
