have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
