I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
