yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
