I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He has the fingertips of a God
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