i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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