Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7476) Bad night (896)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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  (803): im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk http://tfl.nu/jksc
  Replies (39) Good night (4224) Bad night (1010)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

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  (201): you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time. http://tfl.nu/39ft
  Replies (28) Good night (2067) Bad night (3222)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's just like the Real World with babies

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  (330): It's just like the Real World with babies http://tfl.nu/2wbr
  Replies (10) Good night (711) Bad night (3361)
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  (585): View more from New York

  just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?

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  (585): just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/qttt
  Replies (56) Good night (1281) Bad night (4273)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (3161) Bad night (5166)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.

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  (716): It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point. http://tfl.nu/9jn6
  Replies (17) Good night (1483) Bad night (3022)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

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  (423): I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick. http://tfl.nu/4wtf
  Replies (7) Good night (703) Bad night (1402)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.

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  (360): I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town. http://tfl.nu/phek
  Replies (5) Good night (691) Bad night (448)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt's offering to breast feed it.

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  (214): Matt's offering to breast feed it. http://tfl.nu/ota2
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (456)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.

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  (315): Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure. http://tfl.nu/q5fs
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (442)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it

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  (908): do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it http://tfl.nu/ga2l
  Replies (2) Good night (700) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (876): View more from Jamaica

  Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch

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  (876): Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch http://tfl.nu/u7hs
  Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.

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  (512): Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now. http://tfl.nu/2lch
  Replies (0) Good night (696) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.

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  (714): I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious. http://tfl.nu/2w7q
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (215)

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