just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun