That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?