You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101