the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
