I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
