I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
