I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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