So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
