Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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