none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
