mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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