I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
