This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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