If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
