my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
