I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
