My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
