i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
