Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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