she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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