so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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