I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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