the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
