her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
