Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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