Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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