This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
