i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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