wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
