you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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