Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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