You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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