member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
