i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
