Are we in a gay sports bar?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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