We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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