Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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