and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
