I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i drank out of a bidet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
