I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
