i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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